Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
