You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
