Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
