my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize