I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
