There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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