Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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