dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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