I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
