just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
