Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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