and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
