dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
