I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
It was confusing and full of hummus
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
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