I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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