I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
