My liver just broke up with me...
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
