I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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