when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
