Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
