if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
