I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
