I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
