so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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