Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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