In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
