I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
