I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
