rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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