I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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