why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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