I think i peed on brittanys purse
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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