An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
