It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize