I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So much rum. So many feels.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
