dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
