i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
