So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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