well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize