We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
