she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
