He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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