They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
