I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
