I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
