Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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