PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
