am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
