you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
