just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
