how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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