i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
