I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
