just tell him i said nine months
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
