Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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