I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
