look no pants
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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