It's Friday. Sex?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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