I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
