i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Come on in and take your pants off
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