go do what you do best...puke behind churches
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
wow bdsm is so cute
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