so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
is wine microwaveable?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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