wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
