Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
