ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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