It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
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