my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
