Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize