Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
