I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
