you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
