I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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