doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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