Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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